One day a while back, a chap had an idea. He would buy up stock from bankrupt firms and sell them cheaply in his own little shop in a little village in the middle of the forest. This turned out to be a good idea, so good that he expanded his little shop and his little village, which was in the middle of a landscape that must have studied the picturesque to university level, found itself with a yellow plastic brick warehouse surrounded by concrete blocks housing other shops and even a hotel. The car park alone must have taken over several farms and there is a constant stream of cars coming from all corners of Sweden, And a television programme.
And there was me, meandering along to give it a go. Well!! The car park, let's begin there... Try Tescos on Christmas Eve, just before it shuts, except on steroids. Fortunately the Viking pensioners steering their Volvos like longships hadn't encountered the London Car Park Glare (for those of you who don't know - "dare and I will have the chainsaw out of my handbag and in your face before you blink" and I was able to defend my space, whilst doing the worst piece of parking I have ever done in my life. but I really didn't dare go more than a metre from the space. A granny would have whipped in.
Got out, and ambled towards the entrance. I have never seen or heard so many trolleys in my life. Read the bit in Reaper Man (Terry Pratchett) when the shopping centre hatches, it was so like that. Hordes streaming past me, grimly holding onto their trolleys for dear life, rattling like there was no tomorrow.
Just getting that far meant I had to stop for a coffee and a fan. Fortunately there was a Swedish equivalent of a Little Chef just by the entrance and I was able to regroup over a coffee (surprisingly not bad) and a 'home-baked' bun. Yeeessss, not sure what sort of home it was baked in, but it definitely did need a social worker.
Once I reached the entrance, I thought that I should get a basket and that was one of the best decisions of the day. Anyway, I'm not sure that there was really room for one more trolley in that place. Goodness knows what would have happened in Children's Toys if the fire alarm would have gone off. There was literally (Yes!!) no room to move in some of the aisles. People were using the shelves as barbeque racks and living off stray wandering children, whole families had been born in the Barbie aisle and Fisher Price was being passed in to teach the children-of-the-shop to read. I have honestly never seen anything like it. I found myself sucked in as I made a dash from Women's Clothes (people changing in the aisles, shudder) to Kitchen Ware and only escaped by lodging my basket between two trolleys and bouncing back out into Music.
The quietest place was the checkouts. I was expecting IKEA type queues, but no, they'd got it sorted.
Ullared does definitely have decent stuff at very good prices, so I can sort of understand the urge to go, but as I made my way to the checkout bearing a hotplate for the cafe and various little things I had to get for the Charity Auction on Friday, I decided that if I did go back, (to get things for the cafe you understand,) it wouldn't be until after Christmas and only then after a strict meditation and calming regime. Two hours drive and you have to make it worth your while somehow!
